Oops. I need some serious help.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "OK OK already, so it wasn't the best idea I've ever had". Well that was me tonight.
I'll start by explaining the trauma my five year old has experienced in his short life. First his very favorite dog Ruby passed away when he was 3 years old. He had the opportunity to say goodbye and we made it OK for him to cry. We did our very best as parents to help him with what was going on and we also prided ourselves for being so upfront and honest. I know that not everyone believes the same things and that's OK. Its what makes the world go around, but I didn't hold back in explaining 'things' to my oldest when he was just 3 years old.

Fast Forward four short months and Justin, once again, had to say goodbye to another family Pet Sarge. Justin had both Ruby and Sarge since birth so he knew nothing else. Sadness was all around and again, we as parents, were quite pleased with ourselves for teaching Justin our beliefs and being as up front and honest as possible.

THEN, a Great grandfather to Justin passed away when he was 4 yrs old and because the family wanted to see Justin, my husband brought Justin with him to visit everyone. Naturally, he also attended the service. He seemed to have a firm grasp on what had happened and where Great Granddad was, now that he had passed away.

This past summer, Justin has also experienced two more dogs passing away. Both Grandparents lost their dogs in the past two months. My poor Justin is a little overwhelmed with death at this point.

Well, the other day, while trying to explain to Justin why him and his brother should get along, I made the mistake of opening my mouth. I only had the best intentions but once again, my intentions turned around to nip me in the arse. I knew once I had said it that it was all down hill and I had to work like mad to take back what I had said.

I try to get the boys to understand that they are each others best friends and that they will always have each other and in the midst of one of their 'hitting' fights I had to sit them both down to have a talk. Out of my mouth, and before I could stop myself, I heard myself say "One day mom and dad won't be here anymore and you know who you're going to turn to?" "EACH OTHER! So if I were you my friends, I'd do my best to treat each other properly!".
Its like I floated outside of my body and was looking down on myself ..... The me who was floating in the air was shaking her head in shock, thinking "oh no you didn't".

Well that was a few days ago. I though *wrongly* that the moment had passed and it was all clear. A little blip in the pages that are OUR LIVES.
I was wrong.
Tonight while Justin was going to bed I heard some little sniffling from his room. Oh yes. He had all sorts of questions about Heaven and how your soul goes there but not always your body and all of a sudden all our past conversations about the passing of our family pets and the possibility that "one day mom and dad won't be here anymore" .... and it all came back to smack me in the face. He had me babbling backwards and he knew he caught me off guard. I tried to comfort him and I even pinkie swore that mommy and daddy will never leave him and that isn't something he needs to ever worry about. It seemed to appease him but as I was leaving his room, hopeful that I had corrected what I had broken the other day, he says to me "mom?" Yes Justin?
"You and Dad can't go to Heaven because I don't know how to get to the grocery store to get food for me and Lukey".

"oh". I guess this is just the way little minds think. I hope I haven't scarred him. I'm sure I have but I certainly didn't mean to. I need to think before I speak.
Must remember this.

No picture to post today. Just my account at how I screwed my child up at the tender age of five.
Wriggs