The Boys That Fill My Heart

Shhh, can you hear it?
Listen carefully. I promise, if you listen carefully you will hear it too. Its a sound I don't hear nearly enough.

It isn't the sound of little feet on my wood floor, it isn't the sound of little voices saying "mommy, mommy, mommy". It isn't the sound of the television on and it certainly isn't the sound of two kids fighting. Its been replaced. Replaced by something magical. Something that I forgot even existed. Probably because for families with small children, it doesn't really exist anymore except for when afforded the rare but OH SO delightful opportunity to have the house to yourself.

The sounds I hear right now are the typing on my laptop. I hear the dog breathing quietly as she also is not often afforded the chance to sit, undisturbed. We're all so ... quiet. I hear the cars drive by on the road outside, I hear a distant sound of an airplane in the sky.

Oops, for a second there I thought I heard the sound of the Jeep pulling back into the driveway and all at once my thoughts got away from me. I feared that my little moment of paradise was going to be disrupted.

First I owe thanks to my dear husband and partner in parenting, Pete. I will say this once and once only *ok, I'll probably write a new post about it tomorrow* but my husbands name is Pete but for some reason in his childhood his friends and family started spelling it Peat. So I do too. We all do. So don't ask any more. Anyways, I owe SO much thanks to Peat. Without him, this moment could not be possible. He has taken the boys out for a few hours this morning. What started as a breakfast at McDonalds has turned into a coffee for mom and now they're off again to Pembroke to see some hockey. I love him. I love him with every fibre of my being.

Why is it that when provided the opportunity to have a "morning to yourself" it is IMPOSSIBLE to figure out what to do?

I pace some.
I eat a little.

Then I sit down and think "there is something better I should be doing with my morning". I instantly get up and do the dishes, which only amounts to about three seconds of work. Then i wander around the kitchen and pick up dog hair from the creases and corners. Once complete, I contemplate getting out the vacuum and giving the house a once over. I go into the bedroom to retrieve the vacuum only to find my oldest sons bed not made and my youngest child's clothing on the floor of his room.

Next thing I know I'm up to my elbows in cleaning supplies and spray bottles. How did this happen? This isn't "me" time. I stop. I stop and throw all my cleaning supplies back where I got them from and I go and sit. I sit quietly on the couch staring straight ahead. Somehow, in my five and a half years as a parent, I forgot what to do with myself when it was just me.

I consider taking the dog for a walk but lets be honest here. I'm not the dog walking type. Its too cold.

I also consider tidying up the backyard in preparation for the winter ahead. then I reconsider because, its too cold outside. Plus I just washed my hair.

I consider getting out my camera to take some pictures. Only the children aren't here and Layla doesn't usually cooperate. I'm at a loss.
So for now, I pull up a chair to my computer and do the only thing I can think to do. I post on my blog. Its for me. I suppose.

There has to be something I can do with this quiet. Maybe add a little music? Don't get me wrong, I'm loving it. Its just different.

Then for a split second....
I wish they were home. Then the moment passes as I slap myself in the face and realize what I've just said.

Kidding.
I love my family. When they're not home, I feel like something big is missing.

Fast Forward almost 4 hours (update)

Ooooh sh##, I think I hear the Jeep. Kidding. I'm glad they're home. Well, almost home. Peat just called me and said they'd be here in a few minutes. I know when he walk in the door he's going to ask me what I did all morning. How can I possibly say "just toodled around on the computer". It just doesn't sound productive enough. I better think of something. Maybe now would be a good time to grab the vacuum.