Nah, seriously. I have no siblings and so my moms sisters are like sisters to me. Only I get to be the youngest one :) Suits me fine. Since my parents moved up here, all / most of her sisters are back home in Sarnia so its always nice when they come up for a visit.
Anyways, just wanted to share a picture of my mom and her sisters *and their mom*, my Nana :) Michelle
I was so excited when my oldest son turned four and as I reflected over the four prior years I realized how truly lucky *because it only has to do with luck* I was. Justin had never 'really' had a temper tantrum.
I knew I was lucky at the time because I had a lot of friends who had kids and I'd seen one play out and each night at bedtime, I thanked my lucky stars that Justin just wasn't the type to pitch a fit.
He's going to be seven in March and I can still say he's been a relatively easy child, where behavior is concerned. Or in the words of my three year old....Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Sure...whatever.
Let me tell you about my morning. I thought *wrongly* that with Justin in school today I could do something different with Luke. Typically we just hang out around the house or run some errands. But today I wanted to take him to the gym to run/walk the track. He's gone before with his dad and they've had a wonderful time.
We bundled up, packed our shoes and water bottles and off we went. FIVE MINUTES is all it took. 1-2-3-4-5
Nothing more, nothing less. Five.
See, if Luke were the type to sit and listen to what I had to say when things went south, we'd be ok. I'd tell him what he did wrong, ask him how he should correct it, and away we'd go. BUT NO. He cut someone off on the track because he tried to run away from my mother and then refused to listen when pulled off the track. All he had to do was stop, walk to the side, listen for two minutes about why we need to keep our eyes open for others and how to stay in his own lane but instead......I'm dealing with Luke.
A non-typical boy, or perhaps it IS typical. I wouldn't really know since my FIRST experience, with Justin would have been wayyyy different.
So while asked to walk away from the track to have a few words he started raising his voice, crying and protesting. Mortified....I attempted to pick him up and remove him from the track area. Limp body later, we're at the side of the gym trying to have a conversation. Then the tears, then the loud voice, then the humiliation ....then I checked out.
Hoisted him up, flailing limbs and all and carried him out to the change room. Where he proceeded to yell, scream and punch the lockers. Its amazing what calm can take over when needed. I've never fancied myself a patient or calm individual but when dealing with a child like Luke....there is no other way. Or someone would surely get hurt. And I'm bigger so if you wanted to place bets.....
Luke did not want to come calmly. Nor did he feel the need to put his coat on, his hat on or anything else one would consider important in Eastern Ontario in these temperatures. Just not a big thing for him. I figured "GOOD, freeze your ass off". In an attempt to make him walk he just dropped to the ground at the front door of the gym and I dragged him with a smile on my face. Once I adjusted my bags, I did pick him up and take him to the car.
So our fun day at the gym turned into the worst 10-15 minutes I've had with him in a long time and I will never take him back again. I don't think he thought we were really leaving because when he realized I started the car he started crying again.
I learned a few things in the car on that ride home. I learned that he hated me, I learned that I was stupid. I learned that he likes everyone else better than me. I learned that I have the patience of a Saint when I needed to. I said nothing. Not one word to that little boy sobbing and yelling and kicking in the backseat of the car. I considered slamming on my breaks to make him jolt forward when he tried taking his seat belt off but I didn't. Seemed inappropriate at the time although its probably the thought I had playing in my mind to help me keep my calm. Must have worked. We made it home.
Luke knows what he did, he's horrified that I am angry with him. Its the quietest morning in my house I've ever had. He's lost his tv privileges today, his Nintendo DS is gone today as are all the toys that had made their way back to his bedroom from his LAST outburst.
He had been placed in his room while I had a cool down for about half an hour. Not sure what he did in there but he certainly didn't come out to face me :) Just as well. I'm not angry any more. Just sad that something that should have been fun has ended up like this.
But this is Luke. This is how he is when he doesn't get his way. I'm glad I caught him off guard by coming home. I'm glad he's being ultra kind, sweet and tiptoeing around me. He should. But Dear God, please tell me it gets better with kids like Luke!
Sigh.... Thanks for listening. It was very therapeutic
Have you ever heard of PCS? Its a very real thing. Its characterized by a child who exhibits symptoms such as running away, screaming, covering face to avoid WHAT you ask? To avoid the camera.
More specifically, to avoid MY Camera.
PCS Is real.
Photographers Child Syndrome is unique but certainly not rare. I happened to have been blessed with TWO of them. Lucky me. Which brings me to the point of WHY I'm posting a picture of my boys. Simply put, its because this is really the ONLY decent shot I have of the two of them together. Not running, Not hiding, Not screaming, Not protesting.
If this picture could talk, you would hear a mouthful. You would hear bribes *made by me* and demands *made by them* for one simple hug and a smile.
Its always easier to photograph other peoples children. I'm calm, relaxed, easy going and go with the flow. I tell parents not to worry if their child doesn't smile for me, is nervous at first, doesn't want much to do with me or my camera. I tell them that it is my job to get "the shot".
And I try my darndest. I really do.
Yet for some reason, while photographing my own children, I am none of these things. I'm far from calm, I'm never relaxed and easy going? PFFFFTTTTT!!!! HAHAHAHAHA...no way. Go with the flow? What the heck does that mean? Photographing my own children seems to turn into quite the circus show with bribes being throw out, a little raised voices when one decides to cooperate and the other doesn't.....and lots of sweating (by me) and tears (by me, and my children).
SO I have likely caused the damage done where PCS is concerned. I just hope that one day they will forgive me. And their wives will forgive me... and I also hope that they never do this to their children.
I love this blog even though its been a long time since I've posted on it. Its not that I don't love this one, I really do. Its just very hard to keep up sometimes.
But I will always like this one because it was my first. It was going to be my business blog or at least that is what I had intended. And then things got really clouded for me about a year ago. Actually it was more like a year and a half ago.
Everything felt awful and I was a grumpy moody mess.
SO I posted here until my heart was content. Posting here was my outlet. My venting place. My blog loved me even in my pissy moods, *can I say pissy on a blog? I guess I can if its my own *. But yes, I was pissy. I was grumpy, moody and sad all wrapped into one big ball of "WTF".
So this blog and I go way back. I hate to ignore it. I mean heck, it has a few followers :) God Bless their dedicated souls.
So I shall post a picture today and say hello. HELLO!
Have I mentioned I've been sick for what feels like EONS! Seriously. I have no idea what the heck is going on with me. Even Peat has started popping the multivitamin in front of me every morning with a glass of water so as to remind me to take it.
Seems I got sick about a month and a half ago and its just one thing after the next. Just when I think things are lookin' up...something else.
This morning its a sore throat and cold. Sheeesh! Gimmie a BREAK!
So pictures have been to a minimum lately. Two sessions per month. Its about all I can commit to with Peats work schedule and my own.
School is almost done for the kids. Then a summer of FUN.
Baseball has started and its already been a headache. Only difference is that this year, I'm not afraid to get rid of people who tick me off.
Big change from last year where I just rolled over and dealt with it. This year if you cross me, and I feel that you're screwing me over for no good reason, I can find another player.
In my attempt to remain stress free about ball I have also somehow started neglecting my executive duties :) Oh well.
I'm only human.
God, I don't even know if I have a picture to share.
Let me go look. OH OH, I think I have one of Luke.
I'll be back with it.
Ok, I put it up top. This is my neighbour/babysitter.
Have you noticed I'm a little more grouchy? A little more irritable. Perhaps things make me irritated when normally they wouldn't?
Ya, me too.
I don't know what it is. Perhaps a full moon? Maybe I'm just tired. Luke has been waking up a lot lately at night and waking me up in the process.
I find lately I'm easily annoyed by little things. Little things like people not calling me back when they say they will. Things like people cancelling on me at the last minute for things....... Peat getting paged out at 11pm ...... that one especially ;)
But I can't really complain about the last one because he's a good husband and works very hard for his family to do the things they want to do.
Maybe its baseball. Maybe I'm just ultra sensitive and irritated about baseball and I'm taking it out on all the things around me. Maybe its that my friends are always working so much that I don't get to hang out with them anymore. No more play dates. No more anything. Maybe its all these things tied together. Yes. it must be.
I think its baseball though. Seriously.
This exec. thing has me stirred up and I'm at a point where I need to choose between the exec. side of things AND/OR the team responsibility side. I can't figure out where I want to be with it all.
I have this thing about me. I get all gung ho to do something *like blog* and I really hard at it for a while. I really thought blogging would stick. I really did. And don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting. I like/love blogger. Its like all things in life. It is really important for a little while and then something else more pressing comes up and blogging gets pushed to the back burner.
I don't want blogging to get pushed to the back burner. Actually I'm probably coming up to a year on this blog. I dunno. I'll have to see.
There have been a few things that have kept me from blogging. First and foremost my children are with me most of the time so they tend to be a little "rammy" when I'm tied up on the computer.
Then I've had hockey with Justin, now soccer is starting and MY OWN baseball commitments.
Its the baseball commitments that I'm going to have to back burner soon. I just don't have the patience for grown women who need to be treated like children. But we won't go there. There is simply no need. Besides, this blog is about ME and thing I enjoy. I do not think I'm going to stick it out with the baseball executive thing. I'll keep my team because I love playing but I dont need the hassle of the executive stuff.
Sorry. I went off there.
Anyways, there's also swimming lessons to contend with.
We're doing that too.
Plus Peats work schedule. My own work schedule AND AND AND.....
I've been doing some photography sessions :)
And sometimes....just sometimes....I even charge them money.
Its an icky thing but someone has to do it. I can't just be out of pocket all the time. I think I'm almost ready to take more money for it.
It takes a lot of time and I get a lot of happiness and satisfaction from photography.
There is a small hurdle i need to jump but I will.
I'm a stay at home mom and photographer. I've always loved taking pictures but it wasn't until my first son was born that it became much more than "just taking pictures".
I'm the proud mom of two boys who are Justin *6* and Luke *3*.
I was a picture-a-holic from the day my oldest was born. Countless photos later I decided to take things up a notch with a new dSLR and I really started to join online forums in order to teach myself the things I needed to learn to make my pictures even better. Its a long road when you are your own worst critic.
I thank you for watching me through my journey!